Testimony

When I was growing up I saw my parents in church and saw them taking communion. One night I finally decided to ask my mother what it was for and why they were taking it. She explained to me that it was a reminder of what Jesus did for us on the cross and an outward showing that they loved Jesus. When I heard what communion was all about I wanted to partake as well and my mom taught me a prayer to say to ask Jesus into my heart. I recited the prayer and thought I was so grown up because I could take communion now. I was only about six so I really didn't understand what I was doing. As I continued to grow up, I stayed in church and was in a group called Whirlybirds For Jesus. I got to learn a lot about who Jesus was and how much He loved us. We moved about a year later and moved from California to Texas. When we got there we found a church that some of my parents friends, that they grew up with, went to. We all tried to get acclimated at the church so we found a group there called Awanas for children and I dove right in thinking I knew Jesus. I learned more about who Jesus was and all he had done in our group and we would memorize verses and recite them each week. Unfortunately I saw this as a competition and memorized verses so I could be the best in our group but thankfully still remember some. My sister and I went every week and my mom was a helper in the girls group. I looked up to my mom and sister because I thought they all had Jesus figured out. I didn't know where I stood because there were all these rules to being a Christian but I always felt I wasn't good enough. I would watch my parents and my sister and I never understood how you could be one way at church and the other way at home. ( I am not trying to put anyone down, these are just my thoughts). When I turned 11 we moved back to California and I felt more out of place than ever. I latched on to my sister and didn't know why I felt so alone. I had friends but things weren't the same and I didn't know why. We always went to church but I never felt that peace inside that people talked about. Robin (my sister) was growing up and changing so much and I knew she didn't want me around half the time. I spied on my sister and was a huge tattle tale, so Robin had every reason to not want me around. As we got older my sister found her ways to getting into trouble, but this isn't about her story. I started to feel more alone as friends started to move and my sister found a boyfriend. Things got worse when my mother attempted suicide. I couldn't understand at that time what was going on with anyone. I was very upset but I didn't even know how to vocalize my feelings. Things continued to get worse but I tried to move on. As I was growing up I never liked a girl and never shaved but people continued to tell me they were late bloomers and things would happen in time. So when I was 20 years old I went to a endocrinologist. I found out that I had a pituitary prolactinoma which had blocked me from going though puberty. For the first time in my life I sincerely chased after God but I felt like it was just bargaining with God for more time. I had no idea what to think before surgery but I went through surgery and woke up with my nose packed and scars on my face. They began to shove hormoses in me and I began to change quickly. I felt changes in my life but I still had no idea how to vocalize my feelings. I began to go through puberty at twenty years old and I turned to pornography. I knew I was doing wrong but I continued doing it. It took me years to stop watching pornography but I am so glad I did. After 12 years of sin I now knew who I was. I wanted a life with Jesus. Thankfully in the end of 2011 I got on my knees and prayed for God to forgive me. I finally felt that inner peace knowing it was all going to be ok. I was 36 years old and I had never even dated anyone. I had tried for years searching dating websites to find a girl but I didn't understand why until I gave my life to Christ.  I was 36 when I found my now wife on Facebook. When my wife and I met I knew that God had made her just for me. I felt out of  place in my life and always like a third wheel but I don't ever think I can thank God enough for all that He has done for me and the people in my life.

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1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I talked like a child,

I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.

When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.